Professor Layton: The Official Troll Fic
by Gandalf15
Summary: Clive and Don Paulo Productions proudly presents the Official Professor Troll Fic. Be warned: the Professor wears a hat.


"Professor, what's a troll fic?"

"Hush, Luke. According to the infallible TV Tropes website, a troll fic is 'Fanfiction made deliberately offensive. Always armed with "canon defilement", and heavy on the violence, death, and people generally acting like out of character prats.'

"Are we going to be in a troll fic, Professor?"

"Yes. We're going to be in the _official_ one."

"What makes it the official one, Professor?"

"Why, it's the official one because it's c _alled_ the official one. It also happens to be a crack fic."

"What's _that_?"

"Once again, according to the TV Tropes website, a crack fic is 'any story whose premise and events would be completely implausible in Canon.'" So you see, Luke, the following story will be both a troll fic and a crack fic."

"Professor?"

"Yes, Luke?"

"What's a website?"

"…shut up, Luke."

* * *

Luke was running somewhere and screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Emmy! "Emmy!"

Emmy looked up. "what is it Luke? I was just about to throw this puppy into traffic."

"Have you seen the Professor? I have urgent news for him!"

"I dunno, I think he's down at the Club For All These Different Characters."

So Luke ran down to the club For All These Different he found the Professor ont eh dance floor, getting down impressively next to Frodo the Hobbit and Stargirl Caraway. Pushing past the Kool-Aid Man and Garfield the Cat, Luke grabbed the professor and dragged him oit of the club.

"Luke? Why did you make me leave? I was just boogying! Getting jiggy with it! Hammer time!"

Luke slapped the Professor. "Snap out of it, Professor!"

The Professor shook his head. "Thank you, Luke. I needed that." Then he slapped Luke.

"now, what was it you wanted to tell me Luke?"

"They're finally opening a Burger King near here!"

The professor's eyes narrowed inti tiny little slits, and his mouth grew thin and firm with determination. He had to have Burger King. No power on this or any other Earth could stop him.

"Luke Get in the Laytonmobile!"

Luke, who was now a vampire, bot in the Laytonmobile, and he and the Professor were on their way to find the much-coveted Burger King.

"Where is the Burger King, Luke?"

"I don't know, Professor. But look, I found a hint coin!"

"Luke, you're like a son to me, but if you breath another word about hint coins at an incredibly important time like this I will throw you out of this car and your entirely too fragile form will be run over by the multiple automobiles of the streets of London."

"Okay, Professor."

Layton and luke looked all around London for the Burger King. They looked on British Street #1, British Street #2, in the Thames, on top of Big Ben, inside the Professpr's hat, everywhere. But Burger King was nowhere to be found. They combed London, inch by inch, foot by foot, for hour after hour, but nothing. No Burger King. Not even a little cardboard crown.

Layton would never, ever give up, though. His declaration echoing throughout the streets of London was "We must find it, Luke! I love Burger King more than anything! Better than Londong, better than my hat, better than puzzles, better than Claire, better than puzzles, better than you, and better than puzzles! Did I mention puzzles?"

After Layton and Luke escaped from all th homicidally angry fans from the Proffessor's harsh but honest admittances, they sat down on a street corner, gazing at the bustling pedestrians and feeling the bright sun on their backs as they panted from a long morning of searching.

"perhaps we can ask Descole." Luke suggested.

"wonderful Suggestion, Luke!" cried the Professor.

Descole happened to be right there at that moment.

"Descole, dear friend, do you know where the Burger King is?"

Descole shook his head. "No, but you can ask Emmy. Shes over there, about to eat that goldfish."

Layton and luke went over to Emmy, who had stolen a child's goldfish and was about to eat it.

"Emmy, do you know where the Burger King is?"

"No, but you can ask Don Paulo. He's over there, playing the tuba."

Layton and Luke went over to Don Paulo, who was playing the tuba to earn money form the passersby.

"Don Paulo, most wonderful man in the world, do you know where the Burger King is?"

"Nope, but you can ask Descole, he's over there picking up those hint coins."

Layton and Luke went over to Descole, and asked him where the Burger King was. And he told them.

As they approached the Burger King, Layton and luke felt their eyes widen and their mouths turn damp with saliva.

Then Layton turned the Latonmobiel around and started to go back home.

"Professor! What aroe you doing?!"

Layton shrugged as he turned a corner. "Eh… I'm afraid I'm not really in the mood for Burger King anymore, Luke."

Luke sat in the back, frying his best to hold back the tears. The Professor didn't want Burger King anymore? Why? What had Burger King done wrong? How long had the professor not been in the mood for it? Did he decide that he wasn;t just now? Had he figured it out earlier, and had just been leading Luke on?

* * *

Layotn and Luke looked out the window of their apartment at the sea of people down below. This was what they had found when they arrived home. "What is the meaning of all this?" Layton cried.

Don Paulo yelled up at him with a megaohone. "The whole world has declared war on you, Layton, for your heartless abandonment of Burger King. Prepare to die, you heartless excuse for a human being."

Layton leaned back and closed the window. He hung his head and sighed. "Well, there's only one thing left to do now."

"What is it, Professor?" Asked Luke, his wide eyes anxiously peering up at his mentor.

"I'm afraid I'll have to throw you to them as a distraction while I make my escape, Luke. Rotten luck for you, I'm sure."

And with that, he picked Luke up and threw him out the windown to fall towards the mob below. Somewhere down there, Emmy cheered.

While Dean Delmona and Inspector Chelmey tried to catch Luke on a trampoline, Layton bolted out of his apartment and down the fire escape. His breath came in pants, and his feet seemed to barely touch the ground.

Layton ducked into an alley to avoid being seen by the army. He exited onto a street where the only other people there were Mr. Whistler and his son. "Hello, Hershel!" cried Mr. Whislter. "If I had know having a son was this much fun, I would have skipped the daughter and just had him first!"

"Quiet!" cried Layton. "I can't be spotted." He ran past a man who was trying to eat a Frisbee. Then he ducked into a little shop.

Turning around, he saw Granny Riddleton. "Granny Riddleton! You have to help me!" he said in a hushed cry.

But, much to Layton's horror, shock, and fear, Granny Riddleton took off her mask to reveal that she was actually Flora.

"Professor!" she cried. "How could you have abandoned me in a deserted tube tunnel all thos months ago!?"

"Oh, it was easy," explained Layton. "I just took you there and ran away when your back was turned. "

"Well, you'll get hwat you deserve now!" Flora cried, as she reached into her pocket and pulled out…

 _a GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!_

"Holy hint coins!" cried Layton. "I'm really doomed now!"

Then, Stachenscarfen appeared, eating an ice cream cone.

Then, a starfish did a happy little jig.

Then, another rprofessor Layton burst into the room and cried "Wait! I'm the REAL Professor Layton! This horrible man is impersonating me and has caused the world to go mad! Please, if you help me I can stop him, I'm begging you-"

But he was cut off by an army of mishcevious pies that stormed in and began destroying everything.

Then everything blue in the world disappeared at once.

Then Anton Herzen and Violet Reinhold got married.

Then the entire Norther Hemisphere was coated in Silly Putty.

And, above it all, as the world burned in chaos and anarchy, the Burger King cackled with glee and rubbed his hands together. "Exactly as planned," he hissed. "Exactly as planned."

* * *

Clive finished reading the troll fic. Pale and shaking, he looked up at Don Paulo, who had been reading it alongside him.

Clive stammered. "What… what the… what on Earth was that?"

"Exactly," said Don Paulo.

* * *

 **The end...**

 _ **OR IS IT!?**_

 **...yeah, it is.  
**


End file.
